We're having a baby, and this was one of those days I felt overwhelmed by it. We really can't afford it. And the time it's taking to get the house and everything else ready is stressing us out. What were we thinking? It's so hard to make time any more for so many important things, especially our relationship. What happened to the romance? It's so easy to become resentful and feel distant. I feel guilty to admit it, but on days like this one the baby feels like an invasion, not a gift. I know that the evil one will use days like this to drive a wedge between us. So I have to be on guard.
I'm hoping that once the baby comes, we'll have time for each other again. No, it won't be quite like it was before, but I'm told things will settle down a bit and some new routines will be established. I'm looking forward to that.
Today I came to the realization that we weren't ready. I feel dumb for thinking we were, but now it seems like there's not enough money or enough time to do all we have to do. And the reality of resentment has hit me harder than I thought it would. I thought I was ready for it. But reality can be so painful. So much more painful than theory. We simply weren't ready.
And then I remembered that you're never ready. If you wait until you're ready, you'll never have a baby. That's what they say. Yes, you need a certain amount of maturity and stability, but you'll never really be able to afford it. You'll never have all your ducks in a row. At some point you trust God and move forward. The scariness moves you to pray, to depend more on God like never before. You sacrifice some freedom and romance, yes, but love deepens in other ways. And romance isn't finished. You carve out time. You make it a priority. Yes, that's what I've been told by some wise and experienced people.
Yes, we're having a baby. It's our first. But we pray and hope that Hudson will not be our last. We just need to pray, trust, adjust, sacrifice, battle the evil one and make it a priority to keep our love alive under pressure.
We're having a baby! Isn't it amazing?