Tuesday Memo

Hi Five Oakers,

I have a few things I want to share with you.

#1 - Get a recap of the service with highlights of our prayers, readings and songs here.

#2 - Here are your comments from the Communication Cards:

  • Amazing opening songs! Loved the personal stories. Thank you for sharing, Henry! Great message! [Loved that opening song too.]
  • Dan, song – Your Love Never Fails – really sounded good! It was made for your voice.
  • If there is a couple that wants to attend the marriage conference, but need childcare I’d be happy to assist. [Jeni will take note of this. Thank you!]
  • Your love never fails – never heard it better. Wow! Great vocal clarity and mixing. “Jesus Son of God” Dan and Pam you rock! [I was just telling Pam that today. And Dan did an incredible job leading this week from the selection of the songs to leading the band to singing. I was blessed by it all.]
  • I thank you for the book table. I have read more “good” books because of the availability of these books on Sunday! [Music to my ears.]
  • Aside a decision for Christ, this is the most important decision on your life. Glad we are taking time to reflect out this topic.
  • Very nice message today Henry! Good stories – they related well to the scripture we used. Also, good that we’re in the “marriage Works” series! [Thanks. I try to do a parenting or marriage series every year.]
  • New fave song! “Jesus, Son of God”. Thank you.
  • It has not been my observation that most married people are happy. I hope you are right! Great message!
  • I’ve been attending Hope Community since moving to downtown Minneapolis. Thank you for suggesting it! [Great church.]
  • Music really loud this week (I was sitting in last row.) Great songs, but not enjoyable at times. 
  • I was an usher this week. Issues with volume level of the music. Second service couple left due to noise level. We received other comments as well. We offered ear protection; they did not want to use it. I would recommend we set a new lower standard db level. I did request noise level reduction second service. Not enough. 
  • Um, the music was way too loud. [I usually can tell when we’re going to get comments on loudness but I didn’t see it coming this week. Strange. We had some set-up issues this week so I’m wondering if something was out of whack, causing some harsh sounds. Thanks for letting us know. We're trying to figure out what happened.]

#3 - Here’s a recap of the first message in our “Marriage Works” series on Genesis 2:18-25 in 10 tweets:

  1. God's definition of marriage: Genesis 2:24. Repeated by Jesus and Paul. That's where believers get our understanding of marriage.
  2. The definition has three parts: leave (this message), hold fast (next) & become one flesh (last wk).
  3. Everybody loves a good falling in love story…..even those of you who are rolling your eyes right now.
  4. Surveys of Americans consistently show that most people (61-62%) are very happy in their marriages. It was, after all, God's idea.
  5. God created us with a need that marriage fulfills better than any other relationship & instituted marriage to fulfill it.
  6. "Leaving" means forging a new primary allegiance & establishing new patters/ways of doing things.
  7. Lois & I had to "leave" our expectations behind. I don't tinker around the house fixing things & she's not going to pick up after me.
  8. So many marital fights are not just about preferences but about trying to recreate our families of origin.
  9. Not good the man is alone. It's amazing that God created us to need something more than him. But from day 1 marriage pointed to Christ.
  10. God's definition of marriage focuses on a deep connection, a friendship. Deep friendship takes a significant investment of time & attention.

#4 - Off the cutting room floor: I wanted to cover this additional information from a huge, longitudinal study I referred to in the message:

Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later. Two out of three!

Divorce doesn’t work as well as some people think. Same study found that when people divorce, hoping that it will make them happier, most don’t get happier in comparison with those unhappy people who stayed married. This is not a slam on divorced people or to say that everyone should stay married no matter what. That is simply not true. It does explain why some experts say many people who are unhappily married would do better to deal with their depression (if they’re depressed) than to walk away from their marriage.

#5 - Here's the John Gottman quote from the message:

“The determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple’s friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple’s friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all.

…”Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out. . . . Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.”

I've got a lot to share with you tomorrow. Tune in.

Blessings to you, Pastor Henry